My First Child

Coming back home after two years away feels surreal. The place and people are all familiar, but something has changed. Maybe it's me. Lying in my own bed and looking through my personal belongings, I am reminded of the young woman who left here two years ago. She wanted a change in her life from the usual pattern of going to school and back home, which persisted until her undergraduate years. Living along with her parents and under their immediate care felt too comfortable for growth.

When you have wonderful parents who accompany you and stand with you in all you do—without having to ask for it—you get used to that support. As smooth as life is at the moment, it makes you doubt yourself: Will I be able to do these things on my own? Is this confidence intrinsic, or is it only because I'm in my comfort zone? The questions go on. Hence, the distance was important to her for exploring her own limits and surpassing them.

Looking at myself now, I can feel how much I have grown. There is more confidence and self-assurance in the way I handle things, which was never there before. Doing things outside the home (and unsupervised) doesn't leave me clueless; I take charge and find my way around situations without much assistance. It actually feels truly empowering—moving from can I do it to I am doing it!

Coming back to my younger self, I was tempted to leaf through my old diary entries. It showed me yet another shift—there is so much hope and passion in the words there compared to how my writing goes now. It almost feels like someone else had written them. Reading along further, the realisation struck me that this girl was writing about me—the dreams and aspirations she had for her adult self! The passionate proclamations were a far cry from how doubtful and hesitant I felt now; It made me question myself. This girl had been waiting for this exact moment for years, and now that the time is here, should I remain hesitant? No, not anymore.

I remember the letter I wrote to my future adult self while in high school...I guess it is time to write one back, assuring her that we are still on track and closer to our dreams. I have not forgotten her, nor will I ever—my first child.